Rant below on mobile sorry __________________________________ What would happen though if I didn’t exist? I mean, wouldn’t that make it easier? For everyone, frucking around me. Sure, I know, my family and friends love me. But you know what? Especially for my family—-a buch of people are forced to love me. They love me because I’m their daughter. All families have to love their children, even if their assholes, or bitches, parents don’t care because that human being is their creation, therefore there is a love connection automatically built in. But that’s one of the only reasons. Friends? They don’t take the friendship ver seriously anyway! Friends are just people there to entertain you, mostly, they don’t fucking care if you’re going to wait for them during lunch or not. And when most of them find out your secrets or flaws, they are just going to judge you AND LEAVE YOU. And the people who are actually worth it in the world are online, I can’t actually have people to care about me right by my side, right now! And I am such a selfish, bitch. I keep things to myself. I hate others just so much, and having my physical features just makes the whole thing worse. There are only those 3 good people who really understand you and care about you in this world. And they don’t even think of you as a best friend. I have no best friends even, just close ones. I can’t believe it though, I keep screwing up, I’m a such a wreck, the person I like will OBVIOUSLY NEVER LIKE ME BACK ANYWAY, because holy shit, someone who actually likes me is going to leave me sooner or later because of who I am. And I can never be who I want to be! I’m just some average girl, and if secrets known, will be judged my nearly everyone around her and its just so unfair! LIfe is so unfair! I don’t know how I fucking live with myself! I can’t do this, I act so nice because I feel so ecstatic whenever somebody tries to comfort me. But now, I can’t be that nice because all I feel is rage, anxiety and fear. And those feelings refuse to leave me right now. I can’t do it. I just I’m alone in my house. Parents left me alone and they asked me to go with them to dinner but I felt sick and disgusting and now I’m “fastidious” and all, but no, they don’t mean that cause they ‘love me’ except its true. I am shit. I want the best for everyone around me though. I believe they’d be happy if I didn’t exist? There could be someone who’s wish of no existence became true, and now, if I knew her, I wouldn’t know what she did. And it doesn’t affect me. If I didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be worrying all of you with all my rants. I’m suffering, you know, all studies and stress and all and I can feel myself becoming a loser when I grow up. And gods, I can’t, live with myself, messing up all the time. My head aches and I’ve never felt so shitty. Also I’m isolated in my own house and am terrified. And it’s just 7:40. I’m sorry to all of you. I am so sorry. For everything. please forgive me.
(rant on mobile again sorry)
again if I know you in real life DO NOT READ THIS.
yeah dear anon who asked about my emotional state earlier, I’m not just frustrated. I feel like shit. haha freaking love really is weird shit. I can’t just UNFRIEND this person bc she doesn’t like me in that WAY, I have to be grateful for her love for me as a friend. I’m not entertaining,or very pretty. I’m skinny and you can see the veins through my skin. My hair is soooo thin, I’m too fucking tall (5’2) and I’m not even that smart. I’m not the things anyone looks up to, or I don’t have cute traits, I’m practically the most ignored person in my group of friends, and I have to have anxiety. I’m pretty damn screwed. And gods, I sound so fucking dramatis as I type ugh. Having to study for math makes my situation worse. To everyone, thank you for supporting me. You guys are so caring and I’m not good enough at expressing my gratitude to have you guys. But I apologize for all my flaws and rants every so often. Really. I just have to get over this ‘crush’ shit. Yeah. I suddenly know why I see broken hearts everywhere hahah a
Right now I can only focus on my flaws. (Ignore my drama) so yeah, just needed to rant again bc I can’t even think straight. I love all of you btw, stay awesome.